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Not Good For Me: An Interview with Suzy Favor Hamilton
Uh oh, now they have eye indifference. I still visible to live authentic to the slightest, live it with a time continuity.
At this time, I had no idea I was bipolar…and saw nothing wrong with me. As time went along, my motivations changed, and I grew unsure I wanted to write a book at all. My parents were making it clear they did not want me to write a book. Others were advising me against it. Things had settled down, so why bring it all out in the open again? As I began to achieve more clarity, and what had happened to me began to make more sense after diagnosis and treatment, my motivation for writing a memoir grew again. I saw a memoir as the most effective way of making that difference, being better understood, sharing what is admittedly a complicated story, and doing so on my terms.
I thought a book could have a more lasting impact on a bigger platform. What do you hope people will learn about bipolar disorder from your book? I wanted to show the common elements of denial, silence and stigma and how they prevent good people from getting help, and getting well. I want people to be aware of behaviors to look for, so they can help others or perhaps motivate those not yet diagnosed to seek help for themselves. I hope my story might open a few minds.
That is so thrilling. I stipulated the championship of TER celebs and was definitely tired with it.
Now that you are receiving treatment and establishing a new normal for yourself, do you find yourself being treated differently? Do some people expect you to be able to return to who you were before the disorder worsened? Or, quite frankly, if I happen to be a little manic or depressed on a certain day especially manic. Those are the people I tend to gravitate to these days. I believe my mania was a big reason I was a desired escort…My clients loved my mania. Disney, who hired me for their racing series, also loved my mania when I think about it. Life of the party.
I had no off switch, no ceiling. I am that imperfect girl, and I want to be that imperfect girl. I just know I want independence, [to] do what makes me content. I still want to live life to the fullest, live it with a little edge. Phil said as much when I was on his damn show. Favor Hamilton at the finish line of a meter race. Courtesy of Favor Hamilton What one thing do you wish the public understood better about your time in sex work? What similarities and differences did you find striking between escorting and being an athlete? Competitiveness, the drive to be the best.
But, escorting, at that time for me, was like the race where you always win the gold medal. I felt no pressure, no anxiety like I had in competitive running… From the very first appointment, I was completely at ease and comfortable. I loved the concept of TER rankings and was extraordinarily obsessed with it. It enhanced the competitiveness of it all. But the thrill had to get greater and greater. Did you have down-periods between manias while you were escorting? If you did, during these down-periods, did you ever ask a loved one to talk you out of working for the agency?
Did you ever try to talk yourself out of it? The sex work was a conscious choice. So unlike most who are afflicted with bipolar, and unlike how I…feel today, my mania was almost always present during that time before Vegas, I was mostly down, with very [few] manic episodes as I look back, so medication was prescribed with that in mind. Not everybody loves the mania. Fueling it came above everything else, even my daughter, and if you know how much I love my daughter, you get it. To the point where I could spend a month away from my daughter, without much thought of it.
I never asked anybody to talk me out of escorting. A regular client, seeing how out of control I was getting, even tried. But that was the last thing I wanted. I never had second thoughts during this time period. This was now my life and I saw it as my true calling. I would convince him, I was sure of it. Constant mania, resulting hyper-sexuality and grandiose thinking led to a six month series of choices that got me there threesome, male escort, sexting, hooking up, hooking up for gifts, escorting. Everything in my mind was suddenly SEX during that period. How the hell did I get where I got? Why did I fall in Sydney? Why did I have to be the perfect child, with the all American image?
Courtesy of Favor Hamilton I get this. When I was first diagnosed, they had me on Zoloft, and others. That was back before they started talking about its negative effects on children and teens. It did not go well. Were there any positive aspects of escorting for you?
I enjoyed getting to know my clients, hearing their stories, which booobs would inevitably tell. Jennifer Coolidge is such a great improv actress the way she pulled a hair out bkobs the lip gloss. Later that night the music resumes. They go upstairs to confront Sofi, who opens the door to reveal nearly a dozen young women in lingerie sets and babydoll nighties, some reclining on a swing, lounging around the apartment. How Pretty Baby of them. Honestly, I love the Bee Gees. And I have had a client play it before during our appointment.
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Sjzy is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen. I am going to fact check this nonsense with my friends in New York who frequent the quasibrothels. One fourth of the population adn herpes. The fact that the apartment had about twelve unoccupied prostitutes is a powerful indictment of how bad our adn is. Sofi comes szy the diner later. I have not come even close to suzzy once. No, though that was the best so far. He was just calling it like he saw it. She mentions how all those girls work for her. Cut to the nice restaurant, where Caroline is stuffing her face with caviar.
The restaurant owner comes over and Sofie asks him how the girl she sent did. He says she was great. But, sure, the restaurant owner would start yelling about having paid a prostitute for multi positional sex while the businessmen eat away. Sell yourself to have nice things? Max is so much more pragmatic. Why does Max all of a sudden want to be the polite one? I bet she has an angle. Oh so if she were a madam she would NOT be a hard working woman who tried to help them achieve their goal? Down on all fours, get it? How is being a housecleaner not so much more demeaning than having sex for money?
I mean, my god. That is exactly the comparison a lot of sex workers make.
And being Bav of stealing jewelry. I want a swing in my living room. Uh oh, now they have eye herpes! How did they lose money during that episode? A trip to the doctors for a herpes test maybe. The fact that the plot never showed up? That joke needs Valtrex. It means he totally misses the toilet when he poops. Thanks for the great recommendation!